49. Life isn’t always fun.

“Mama, will you play with me?” It is 6:33 a.m.

“Mama, what can we play?” It is 4:34 p.m.

“Mama, can we play something?” It is 7:19 p.m.

I try to say yes when I can, even at those moments when I think I can’t. I want to, as I know that there will be days, soon enough, when that question will not be asked of me. Sure, she knows how to “play by herself.” Of course, this possibly would be different if she wasn’t an only child. All fodder for discussion at a later time.

Those times I can’t play, I tell her I have to finish work. Or clean the Leaning Tower of Dishes. Or that it is bedtime and she needs to sleep. I tell her she can have fun and play on her own, she can go have fun and I will join her soon, she can have fun and dream of playing. I hate saying no. I hate telling her these other things I have to do.

But, I have not told her, really, why I say no. I have not told her that there are times when life just isn’t all fun. Not yet. I wonder if I should. Because, well, that is true. Sometimes, sometimes, Life is just there. Even when you are trying, striving to live a life that is true and honest and real, when you are following your passion and all of that mumbo jumbo, sometimes, life just isn’t fun.

There are times in life when life is neutral, is sad, is bad, is depressing, annoying, that life can be just there.

She will discover this. Soon maybe. Maybe not. But when she does, I will tell her that is in those moments, when life isn’t fun, she has it in her, has the power to get through them, accept them, deal with them, and keep going, keep moving, keep walking. And that it is okay, maybe not fun, but it is okay. And she is okay.

Just as I am. Today. These past few days. Dealing with some not so fun things. Nothing huge, nothing sad.

And, as I do this, what is the band I find myself listening to?


Believe me, the irony is not lost.